My Pieces

An Ending

2007-03-15T01:24:00.000+08:00

He sat quietly, twirling his teaspoon in the coffee cup. The spoon clanged rhythmically against the white porcelain sides of the cup.

It was raining outside.

He stared at the colorful reflections of the pedestrians caught in the water rivulets running down the coffee club windows. A smudged red figure scurried past, with a yellow umbrella.

She took a short sip out of her cup, her lips only fleetingly kissing the cup rim, and set it down on the saucer with a gentle "ching".

She's just waiting for me to speak, he thought. Silently, he cursed himself for getting himself into this predicament. They had been friends for so long, they had almost fallen in love, they had been through thick and thin, but he had never felt so uncomfortable with her before.

"You... know what I want to say..." He tried weakly.

"Nope I don't. Say what you have to say." She interjected.

"What do you mean, you don't know? You're just...!" He said panickedly, stopping when he noticed the corners of her mouth tilting up ever so slightly. She knew. With her deep wisdom, cleverness, and her eye that sees the future, she was just was just waiting for him. For him to come to this decision on his own. Even though she had already seen it, and what lies beyond.

He suddenly felt shame wash over him. He had been hoping that she would give him a hint of what he would do, what he would decide. Push the responsibility of the decision to the 'him' in the future.

"We just thought we should let you know." He said, his resolve hardening. "We'd decided to go out after all."

"I see."

"Please give us your blessings."

"Just that?"

His new found resolve melted away like candlewax in a fire. Was that a hint? Would he ask her ? Was he going to? He admitted that he was very curious. They were so different. The circumstances in which they met were so strange. He wanted to know... and yet he did not want to know...

"Don't dwell so much on the future, when you have the luxury of the now."

It was also a rainy day, many years ago when she said that, in her low voice. The bitterness in her voice weighed down on his heart even now. That was the first and last time she ever said something like that, and it was also the first time he realized just how much of a burden her ability was to her. He noticed she always loved to see others struggle towards their goal, not out of sadistic pleasure, but because its something she admired from the very bottom of her heart.

He wondered why this incident had suddenly popped up in his mind. But he had come to a decision.

"Don't tell me where this would lead. I want to struggle through this on my own, fight every battle I have to fight, and try my best to keep her close to me. I don't want... to know the ending, be it good or bad."

"If we have your assurance that it will all work out fine, we wouldn't work through our arguments and take each other for granted. If we know it would never work out in the end, we wouldn't even try to understand each other, and blame its failure all on fate."

"I believe in us. I want to try my best, and see where this road will take me."

She smiled. "Well~ Its a noble decision. With such a strong conviction and spirit, I'm sure the two of you would be able to overcome anything that fate throws in your way. I wish you good luck."

"Thank you."

"You should leave now. The East road would be flooded by the rain soon, and traffic would get congested. Any later and you'll be late for your date."

"Oh! Oh! Thanks!" Picking up his jacket, he pushed the chair seat awkwardly under the table, and made a mad dash to the door. He froze in thought as he was passing the counter. "Oh yes, and..." shoving a note into the cashier's hand, he muttered a quick instruction, and turned to leave.

Looking out the window, she saw his blue-coated figure waving at an orange cab. As it pulled to a stop, he turned, and oddly enough, she could see very clearly, through the kaleidoscopic image in the window and the web of water running down the pane, him mouthing the words "Thank you" and smiling.

As the cab pulled away, she took one last sip from the cup. "I just couldn't help giving him a hint." she laughed to herself, as she set the cup down. "I'm just really bad at keeping happy endings to myself."

The Magic Shoes

2006-11-26T14:47:00.000+08:00

"Hello" said the Magician. "I have a pair of shoes I want to give you. The Magic Shoes, which would take you anywhere you want to go."

Gratefully, she accepted. Wow, a pair of magic shoes! It would take her anywhere she wanted!

On Saturday, she wanted to go to the moon. The shoes treaded a path up the moon's beams, and she bounced happily across the luminous surface.

On Sunday, she wanted to go under the sea. The shoes turned into flippers, and she walked the currents with the mermaids and fishes.

On Monday, she wanted to go to school. The shoes took her down a different path, deep into the forest to the old oak tree. Try as she might, she could not exit the forest. She missed school that day.

On Tuesday, she wanted to go to school. The shoes took her down an unfamiliar street, where the houses are square and squat, and the streets are old and cobbled. Try as she might, she could not find her way out. She missed school again that day.

On Wednesday, she gave up going to school. "I have a wedding dinner to attend tonight, so I might as well stay at home to doll up for it." She thought to herself. She took out all her favorite dresses, and tried them on. She tied up her hair in many fancy patterns. Come dinnertime, she found herself on a cliff overlooking the city lights. She was once again, completely lost.

On Thursday, her cousin called her up and berated her for missing the dinner. Her school called her up for missed lessons. Her parents shook their heads at how unreliable their daughter had become. She tried to take off the Magic Shoes. They refused to come off.

On Friday, she took a cab down to school. Her friends dragged her to her class. She'd missed too many lessons, she was told to go to the corner and write an apology and explanation letter. She walked out of the classroom, and went back home again.

Three years later, she met the Magician again. "Please take these shoes off," she said, "they're nothing but trouble."

"But why?" He asked, astonished. "They're a perfect pair of Magic Shoes. They could make you happier by bringing you places you could only dream of going to. They would fulfill all your wishes for you."

"Because I do not need all my wishes fulfilled."

Desert Wastelands

2006-10-04T20:44:00.000+08:00

I trudge on in the sweltering desert sun. The thin sand shifts with my footsteps, revealing the cracked ground underneath. Beads of perspiration formed on my forehead, my hair flopped and stuck to my face.

I trudge on in the sweltering desert sun, alone.

I struggled with each step I take. Stomp, stomp, stomp. Moving forwards, towards the horizon. Where the sun sets in the evenings. Towards a greener land, I hope.

Stomp... stomp...... stomp...... each step I took became heavier and heavier.

Stomp......... I could barely lift my feet.

Why?

I look down, and find- tiny little pale hands clasping at my boots. Little desert sprites, spirits of my hometown. Looking up with their pale thin faces, imploringly they whimpered, and hung on with all of their little might.

I shifted my feet. They hung on like wet sand. I stomped. I kicked at the air. They hung on all the tighter, and I could feel it. My energy, slowly being sucked away by their little hands.

"Help us..." they cried.

"Please... take us with you..." they cried.

As I struggled, the last of my strength left me, and I could only watch the sun set, turning the sky above the horizon a beautiful purple colour.

And as I lay there with the whimpering sprites, the cold came in where the sun's rays could no longer reach.

Its another day in the desert.

Garden

2006-02-10T10:51:00.000+08:00

She covered herself with soft blankets of down, showing only the cocoon that she built for herself. Lying silently, dormant in the sanctuary she created, she hid her ugly self from the world. One day, as she was sleeping, she was awoken by a rude crash. and a hideous black furry head poked in through her soft walls and stared at her naked as she is. She screamed. Throwing her gold at him, she bribed him leave. It felt colder that night, she couldn't stop shaking. Drawing her covers more tightly around herself, she boarded up herself such that not even a cold sliver of wind can come through.

As the days passed, others slowly shed their skins. Staring out, she saw a rain of blood. She shivered in her shell.

In the garden, in a thicket of red rose bushes, there was one that never bloomed.

Kaleidoscope

2005-12-18T16:53:00.000+08:00

i'm living in a round room made of glass. the ceiling stretches up towards the moon, and the stars are mapped out beneath my feet, blinking red, blue and green. everyday i stand in the centre of the room, staring at the walls as the Colours journeyed from one end to another and back again.

sometimes an earthquake occurs, and the room shakes from side to side. the Colours whirl across the walls in a dizzying frenzy, and the light gets too hard to bear. on such days i curl up in a ball and close my eyes as tight as i can.

sometimes the glass walls crack in the cold. the Colours would seep through and come to me. red is stinging and prickly, and leaves rashes on my skin. blue is icy-cold, and numbs my body to immobility. green is warm and fuzzy, yellow whistles and bubbles.

today, when i woke up, the Colours had all fled the walls. i stared out at a dense white fog creeping up the walls, threatening to swallow up the moon and the stars. rubbing my eyes, i looked around.

a gentle thud at my feet. white hovered at my toes, a smooth oval pebble the size of my fist.

"didn't you escape with the others?"

i cupped it in my hands, and we sat down and waited.

hide-and-seek

2005-10-16T00:15:00.000+08:00

i looked around, lost, in a large, empty building. Lifeless plastic plants stood stonily along the corridor, the cold white lights throws everything into illuminance, the tiled floor is dustless, with no trace of any footprints. It was a world separate from all the rest, with only me and him.

He is not here. At another level?

The elevator door opened with a loud chime, echoing in the silent hallway. I chose the highest floor. The gears and wires whirred into action, the elevator slowly, painstakingly, pulled itself up one floor, two...

The doors opened to an empty hallway. The identical plastic plants waved at me. I pressed the next floor, the doors slowly closed shut.

i repeat the process mechanically, anxiousness growing in me. Every floor, an empty hallway. The faint traces of hope are trickling away. Yet, i know. he must be somewhere. is he looking for me as well?

An hour passed. and another, and another... i lost count of how many floors i had tried. i stepped out of the elevator, it whirred on to its next destination. looking around, it is still the same scene. sitting under a branch, i rested. and woke to the sound of the elevator doors closing.

jump up. make for the buttons- the elevator had already moved off. turning, i ran for the stairs. scaling upwards, i threw open the door to an empty hallway everytime. up and down, up and down... up and down, up and down... occassionally hearing light footsteps on the stairs, and the distinct sound of the elevator's whirring and closing.

the elevator whirred to my floor, the doors opened with a clank... i turned in surprise to an empty elevator. the doors closed with another clank, and the it pulled itself elsewhere.

had he already given up and left? am i the only one left in this complex?

i went to the first floor. the gates gave no clue. i almost gave in to the impulse to just run through them to the big, lively world outside. but no, not yet. for once you leave, you can never re-enter again.

...tired

2005-10-05T18:39:00.000+08:00

tired out, burned out, trodding on half asleep in a cold cold mist.

too tired to love, too tired to feel, too tired to think, too tired to stop.

And when it all ends, regret would flood my heart, for forsaking all that's dear in all my lethargy. But now, the little naggy voice at the back of my mind is too weak to sound, and i just trudge on blindly, heavily, leaving a huge part of me behind.

Smothering into ashes, disappearing into the dusk.

bathrooms

2005-04-11T23:28:00.000+08:00

she's... behind. eyes boring into your back, (pale, cold, black hair) a spectre hiding behind the shower curtains, cold clammy hands ready to reach for you.

you close your eyes as the water from the faucet comes splashing down upon your face. all of a sudden, her presence seems so much more nearer. you can feel her gaze. its cold.

open your eyes. gasp for air. the sudden burst of light exorcises her presence for a split second.. and then you feel an uncomfortable presence behind you again. turning your head to the back, you didn't manage to catch a glimpse of a little black head; you turned too fast, your eyes didn't have a chance to focus at all. and you don't want to look again.

the water running through your hair drags it down with force, or is that fingers running through your hair? whistle. sing. the water is splattering on the floor with a dull thudding sound. the room feels so ominously quiet, its just you and her. and the drip drip drip of water (blood?) from a spot hidden well away from your sight.

you feel so... naked and weak. rushing through the routine; soap. water. towel. keeping your eyes from focusing on the reflections in the water. (water is a very effective medium for retaining malicious spirits) shut out all thoughts. freakish random images of monsters, amputated hands and a little child crouching in a corner of the room flashes past.

pulling the clothes over your head - all noise... stops. you're in a black black world, stifled, cut off, entangled, blind, deaf, handicapped, vulnerable. you get a hand free; pull open the door and run out.

and make straight for the computer, sits down and play ragnarok online. LOLZ.

tornado

2005-01-16T19:58:00.000+08:00

there's a tornado whizzing around my house, pulling up trees and throwing boulders against one another. i don't know how such a weird phenomenon came to be, but i know that somehow something i did caused it to descend from the heavens and crash around me. maybe i angered the gods, maybe a science experiment gone wrong pulled the storm clouds to me.

unfazed. as long as it doesn't scratch my house walls, it's not my problem.
music. full blast, to drown out the screeches of the wind. darn, its distracting.
a book. to take me else where, anywhere but here couped up behind the walls of the storm.

and a little itsy-bitsy tinge of guilt gnawing at the back of my mind.

outside the castle walls

2004-12-30T14:27:00.000+08:00

"what's over the castle wall?"
"bad things. there's large expanses of marshlands that suck people under and swallow them completely. and little demons with wings that fly from the sky and tug the skin from your face. and long serpents waiting in the grasslands... you don't want to go out there."
"but i'll have to, eventually, wouldn't i?"
"yes, but then you'll know wat to look out for, so you'll be prepared. until then, stay safe inside the castle."

the girl watched other people come and go through the gates everyday. none came back splattered with blood; none came back broken into a dozen little pieces. lucky people, she thought.

finally, the day came when the castle gates opened for her. the other children streamed out, whooping in the sunlight and dancing in the fields. it was beautiful. but she knew, the green grass is a cover for the serpents; and the wicked marsh lurks under innocent looking earthy ground.

she stepped carefully, testing the ground with every step she took. she scryed the sky for suspicious black shadows. the grass swaying could be the joyful breeze, or a long creature waiting to strike...

its nearing the sunset, the air filled with the laments of children as they realized its time to go back. she couldn't wait to return to the safety of her home. it wasn't so bad actually, nothing happened at all. it might even be fun if she hadn't been so tense. perhaps, perhaps she could relax and play the next time she comes out?

*squish*

driving

2004-12-30T00:10:00.000+08:00

i never envisioned my life to be this way.

its like i'm driving in a car, tracing out the route i want to take on the map. and somehow i took a wrong turn, and as i am staring in the backview mirror at the path i should have taken, the car trundles on in free gear and brings me into some other place. and the turning disappeared into the horizon, and i can't make out where it was. the map is useless.

and i just drive on and on, trying to get back to my original route, to give up in the end and just go on driving to wherever this path takes me. and the more forks i take, the further i know i'm getting from my intended destination. and i'm beyond caring now, just going onandonandon... to see where i'll end up at.

squiggly lines on a piece of paper, they all look the same, but every single one of them leads to a different ending. i wonder if it was that one turning? or had i been holding the map the wrong way round from the start?

i'll just keep on driving driving driving till i see a familiar or remotely interesting landmark, or until i run out of gas eventually.

its a pretty nice view here. but i wonder what it'll be like had i kept to the original route?

maths

2004-11-21T00:46:00.000+08:00

well, all the figures on both sides of the equations seemed to add up. And it seemed so simple too. A few tricky portions here and there, of course, but still it was straightforward. or so i thought.

ahhh, it all doesn't add up anymore.

i could just redo the whole question right from the start, which would be simpler and easier. but i don't want to waste all my previous workings. maybe it was just one itsy bitsy little step wrong? so i'll painstakingly work my way backwards, checking and rechecking all my workings every step of the way.

but god, its so tedious.

rainy day

2004-11-19T22:53:00.000+08:00

if there is someone you want to protect, you would become stronger. but if you just grovel in your own tears and grime selfishly, you'll only grow weaker, and get eaten by time.

now, that came out of no where.

sighz, i just want to be there for anyone who need me, when they need me. to protect the people i love and to be able to make their life better, even by a little bit. but i'm just so thick headed and insensitive, i don't think i'm able to help one bit. or even recognise when and how they need my help. i guess the only thing that ever gets across is my sincerity; ...or maybe not.

sometimes i wish i could be better, but i guess wishing never gets one anywhere. i'll just try harder, and hopefully, be able to be the 'protector', instead of the 'protected'.

supernatural

2004-11-13T22:48:00.000+08:00

"she looked up, and saw a little girl standing on the tree branch above her. 'what are you doing up there? its dangerous!' she said. it was then that she realized the girl's feet were talons, and she had wing structures on her shoulders. she turned to shout for her mother, and when she turned back to the tree, it was empty of anyone. and the little girl is standing atop another tree."

Hantu. One of the types of supernatural creatures in malay folklore, the winged humans, thought to reside in the mountains north of malaysia. and in that region too, the area between thailand and kedah, are the stories of garuda sightings. a coincidence?

The above extract was a story of what my aunt saw when she was a child. she told my father the story, and although she had forgotten about it, he still remembers, and in turn told me about it. he believes, and so do i.

i don't think we had discovered everything about our planet. i'm sure there are still many odd and strange species out there that are not yet brought to light. the yeti, apeman, garudas, dragonfishes, loch ness... many people totally discarded the possibility of their existence, but wouldn't it be fantastic if they did exist?

it would be fun if i could travel to these haunts, and try to seek proofs of their existence. not to publicize, or to raze them out of hiding; just to see for myself, with my own eyes. and even if i do not have the chance, i hope that SOMEONE could get to know for sure if these creatures do exist. ah~ its hard to describe this feeling... heh. its... awesome?

"he was in the army, travelling through the jungles during the war. one day he saw a huge man-like creature, it looked like an ape, only bigger. frightened, he shot it, and they left the body in the jungle. that night, a group of the creatures went to their camp-out, and squatted outside the boundaries crying the death of their member. the villagers advised the soldiers to give them salt as compensation. cupping a handful of salt each, the creatures left the camp in peace."

Hitogata

2004-11-02T15:30:00.000+08:00

"'Hitogata'... a word that has been used in this world for years and years, the origin long lost in the mists of time. Hitogata can mean several things. For instance, it can simply be a doll in the form of a human, or an ornament or decoration that is missing a piece of itself. ...But it is especially used in secret to disdain a child that is entirely MISSING one of the core human emotions: joy, anger, pathos, humour." [extract from Kimi no Kakera]

Pathos. i wonder what it will be like, if one is unable to feel pain. would it make one immune to hurt? and also remove the capacity for fear?

fear is like this totally irrational emotion; extreme fear freezes up the mental and physical processes, and increases one's chances of screwing up. fear, too, prevents one from trying the less-trodden paths, and closes the doors to various opportunities forgone. its stupid. and it is the simplest solution to preventing one from getting hurt, the fear of getting hurt often stops one from doing things that would increase the risk of hurt. the irony is, most of the time, the greatest amount of regret and pain is dished out by this stupid reaction.

bleah.

"It... it wasn't me! Shiro... [broke the lock] oh and i only picked this [the sword] up because Kuro told me to-"
"...you're blaming it on others again..."